The Five Pillars
In the realm of psychology, there's a growing emphasis on proactively pursuing and maintaining mental well-being. One framework that highlights this approach is the PERMA model, which delineates five key pillars crucial for human flourishing.
Feeling comfortable with our lives largely depends on the decisions we make daily, the behaviours we cultivate, how we choose to spend our time, and what we tell ourselves in our internal dialogues. Just as our physical health requires regular check-ups, attention to our diet, exercise, and other healthy habits to feel strong and healthy, our mental health also demands care and conscious dedication.
We cannot expect to feel content with who we are if we let ourselves go, abandon our projects halfway, live in isolation, or repeat behaviours that we know are harmful. If we want to improve our quality of life, there is much we can do to feel more comfortable. Of course, this is not a life recipe, and external factors impact and shape our perception of existence. However, some lament what they cannot change, while others roll up their sleeves and set out to work on the parts of their lives that they can modify.
We cannot expect to feel content with who we are if we let ourselves go, abandon our projects halfway, live in isolation, or repeat behaviours that we know are harmful.
The PERMA Model
The PERMA model tells us that if we dedicate our energy to maximizing the five variables that scientific studies show significantly impact our well-being index, we can feel at peace with ourselves by actively focusing on what we can develop.
The variables to cultivate are: experiencing positive emotions, engaging in activities that allow us to enter a state of "flow" or optimal activation, building meaningful relationships, belonging to something greater than ourselves, and achieving goals linked to improving our talents and skills.
This model describes what people who are satisfied with their lives do; it is not a prescription or a magic formula. These are habits that forge an emotional change as long as they are sustained for their own sake, not as a means to achieve an end: happiness.
In this article, I propose five exercises to work on each of these variables in daily life.
1- Positive Emotions
Cultivating positive emotions is linked to our capacity for appreciation. Sometimes, we are happy, and we don't even realize it. We fail to observe the subtleties of small everyday moments... the pleasure of a warm bath, the delight of a rich breakfast, a comforting hug, or an inspiring piece of music. Experiencing pleasant emotions involves a conscious willingness to train our attention and direct it towards what works in our lives, guarding against the tendency to always focus on complaints.
Practice: A good way to train appreciation is to do a relaxation exercise. Take a couple of deep breaths to bring your mind into your body and prepare for a fuller presence in each experience. One mantra that I like to tell myself is: Stop, Look, and Go. Pause in your fast-paced daily life and be willing to appreciate your life before going ahead with your daily routine.
Stop, Look, and Go.
2- Engagement
It is the ability to engage lucidly and positively in everyday acts. Instead of doing things on autopilot, doing them with the awareness of deploying our strengths, we will feel that our time is not wasted but rather unfolded. Putting our strengths into play when carrying out our daily activities empowers us and increases our chances of entering a state of full absorption in our tasks.
Practice: A good exercise to work on this variable is to make a list of activities we enjoy and commit to incorporating them as habits rather than just occasional exceptions. The more we commit to something, the more emotionally involved we become.
The more we commit to something, the more emotionally involved we become.
3- Relationships
It is about focusing our attention on cultivating authentic connections with others. It involves learning to be present when we are with others, putting aside the phone, making more eye contact, and showing more interest in who that other person is, which we often take for granted. It also involves opening up to more intimate and meaningful conversations, deepening those bonds that interest us, and setting aside relationships that only occupy "space" but do not comfort us much. Bonds of affinity and resonance comfort us immensely.
Practice: Create three concentric circles. In the first, place the people we feel emotionally closest to; in the second, those friendships that are not so close, and in the third, people we barely know with whom we do not share much emotional closeness. Observe the circle and ask yourself: How are those circles? Do you feel comfortable with that distribution? Are you allocating your time appropriately according to the bonds that interest you most? What adjustments should you make?
Bonds of affinity and resonance comfort us immensely.
4- Meaning
The Meaning of Life means belonging to something greater than our "self." Some people feel a sense of "emptiness" inside. This feeling may be a consequence of this variable demanding its place.
Practice: An exercise that can help us find some answers is to ask ourselves on a blank sheet: What is my role in the world? What do I have to contribute? This exercise involves writing successive answers that come to mind on a sheet. The first ones may not be very meaningful. The following ones, if we write long enough... may give us some clues as to what areas we would enjoy "serving." It is proven that altruistic people who contribute to a greater purpose than themselves feel happier and more fulfilled.
Altruistic people who contribute to a greater purpose than themselves feel happier and more fulfilled.
5- Achievements
Knowing that we can achieve what we set out to do increases our perception of achievement. Fulfilling our word given is also very important here. Sometimes, we are so self-demanding that we do not register the achievements we have made because we are always focusing on what is lacking or what we could have done better.
Practice: I suggest you look back and ask yourself: What merits, what vital changes, or what achievements have you had so far? This awareness of recognition empowers us and makes us feel prouder of who we are becoming. The focus should be on self-improvement and not on comparison with others. After all, what matters is seeing ourselves grow. Life is not a race; everyone has their learnings and achievements. When it comes to unfolding, competition does not count. Reflection should be an intimate introspection about those internal battles won that lead us to be a better version of who we feel we are.
What are those battles won that led us to be a better version of who we are?
Nothing assures us of a life of happiness, but there are very clear behaviours that either add to or detract from shaping our existence.
I invite you to consider these variables, optimize them, and assume a leading role in cultivating a beneficial and prosperous mind. Knowing that we are responsible for our lives does not mean that everything is within our reach. Assuming responsibility means learning to respond skillfully to each experience without clinging to any emotional state and knowing how to cultivate the ground for the seeds that we consciously choose to sow to flourish.