Do we speak the same language?
Transpersonal Psychology tells us that we are all born with a certain level of consciousness. Each human being has a starting point from which their life journey begins. The level of consciousness has nothing to do with the degree of education, the level of education, the intelligence quotient, or the master's and postgraduate degrees we have done in life or could do. It's not information that is acquired from the outside; it's more like wisdom about how we value life. That is why a person with little or no formal education can always have the right word, the appropriate attitude, and the proper congruence between their values and their practical actions. Similarly, it has nothing to do with age... there are children who, with their reflections and gestures of benevolence, leave their parents astounded!
We could imagine a large ascending spiral, where each turn corresponds to a certain level of individual consciousness. Clare Graves called this the "Theory of the cyclical emergence of levels of existence," and later, Edward Beck and Christopher Cowan called it the "Spiral Dynamics Model."
Since we come to this life to evolve, ascending in this upward spiral is, throughout our existence, the noblest and most dignified mission we can face. Furthermore, it not only benefits us regarding how we position ourselves in our lives, but it is also our greatest contribution to the great human fabric that we all shape and evolve together, like a critical mass that when saturated, attains a new level of understanding. Thus, the gallows, the cruel forms of slaughter and discrimination, and the subjugation of women, among many other things, indicate that it is not at all true that "we are getting worse and worse," as some people often say...
Evolving our Level of Consciousness can be either the result of a conscious effort or it can happen more naturally in some other people as if it were a harmonious organic unfolding that could not have occurred in any other way, just as the caterpillar is destined to become a butterfly.
The consequence of this gradual transformation process is the same: sowing seeds of wisdom about how to navigate through life.
Life Helps Us Unfold Our Consciousness
Sometimes, life pushes us to evolve through intense experiences that leave us changed. This is the case of people who suffer from illnesses, losses, accidents, or traumatic events. After crossing that threshold of pain, they climb several levels in the evolutionary spiral of humanity. It is then that they value what they did not before, they do not make problems out of trivial matters that have a solution, and they become simple people, "easily happy" because they appreciate life from a different perspective. Hence the phrase: "It is bad to suffer, but it is good to have suffered."
Evolution can also occur from gratifying and transcendent experiences that allow us to expand our vision, eradicate our prejudices, stop judging, and stop seeking to be right.
Sometimes life pushes us to evolve through intense experiences that leave us changed.
When we climb steps in the dynamic spiral of evolution, we become more serene and observant people; we stop reacting like springs to external circumstances and start acting from the protagonism of a more lucid and chosen life.
The evolution of consciousness is very individual and different from person to person.
When two people are on the same turn of the spiral, they "understand" each other; they speak the same "language." Although their mother tongues may be different, they communicate perfectly. We could say that they vibrate at the same frequency, with the same energy and vitality. They ask the same questions, share similar interests, and are moved and outraged by the same things.
When two people are on the same turn of the spiral, they "understand" each other perfectly because they speak the same universal "language."
We grew towards different places...
What happens when, in our relationships, some people ascend while others do not?
What happens when those levels of consciousness do not grow simultaneously in a couple or in a friendship?
When this happens, whether in a couple, in friendship, or even among members of the same family, emotional distance becomes a kind of abyss that is difficult to overcome.
Communication problems, misunderstandings, lack of affinity, and "disconnection" have more to do with this concept of different levels of consciousness than with the decline of love.
And beware! This is nothing like the spiritual arrogance so common these days, where some people feel like they are looking down on others. On the contrary, as we climb the steps of evolution, our gaze becomes more compassionate, benevolent, deeper, and clearer.
What used to matter no longer does. What was a problem in a previous spiral turn now finds its resolution. Maybe that's why Albert Einstein once said:
"No problem can be solved at the same level of consciousness at which it was created."
When one person in a loving relationship, whatever it may be, unfolds their consciousness and the other does not, something stops "fitting," feeling in correspondence and congruence, and that distance gradually becomes noticeable, so much so that it is sometimes very painful.
What happens is that both people are contemplating life from different places, and communication then becomes very difficult. Affinity loses its intensity, closeness is not the same as years ago, and the same things no longer matter or are enjoyed.
Each turn of the spiral has its dialectic, logic, correspondence, values, and particular language. When the levels of evolution are different, the other's language seems Chinese to us, distant, foreign. That is when we confuse a lack of appreciation or sympathy with different levels of evolution. The same goes for family and friendship when we feel "disconnected."
Sometimes, this mismatch is decisive because the distance, being so abysmal, becomes insurmountable. Other times, this imbalance is temporary and circumstantial, and the paths, far from branching out, meet, renew, and consolidate even more. The same bond now becomes different, above all, deeper and more intimate.
That is why different rhythms or times of spiritual understanding do not necessarily mean that a bond cannot continue. Sometimes, understanding what is happening and not confusing it with a lack of love enables us to share what can still be agreed upon. Besides, ascending in this evolutionary spiral is accessible to every human being who works on themselves. Thus, someone who seems to have a self-centred and primitive view of life gradually "awakens," and someone who seems very developed retreats into themselves and becomes stagnant. This dynamism is the best antidote to spiritual arrogance from those who feel superior to others because they have greater "insight" and perception.
Knowing that vibrational, intuitive, and energetic factors also explain why some bonds work, and others do not relieve us of struggling, pulling, or pushing, which takes time and cannot be rushed.
It's important to share these notions because I often hear about these kinds of interpersonal problems that are difficult to name. It's not a matter of conflicts, fights, getting along poorly, or not quite getting along... It's that "I don't know what" that tastes like a gap, exile or loneliness within a relationship.
Knowing that vibrational, intuitive, and energetic factors also explain why some bonds work, and others do not relieve us of struggling, pulling, or pushing, which takes time and cannot be rushed.
When we try to explain issues that cannot be explained through words or demonstrated evidence from the rational paradigm, we run out of arguments, and we feel complicated or complex when, in reality, we are talking about a language that does not have periods or commas; it is a universal language.
If what I am sharing resonates with you, it is good that you integrate this perspective into your interpersonal relationships and do not feel strange or alone in this feeling, which is as valid and legitimate as any other factor that influences how we relate. We feel "close" and intimate with other people with whom we share life or part of it.
I encourage you to ascend this spiral from where life looks different, and relationships deepen. Finding the flock with which one feels affinity is not an easy task, but when you find it, it feels like "coming home."