Don't bite the hook

Who has not bitten that same hook that they promised themselves not to bite repeatedly?

Who has not fallen into reactions, impulses, making comments or committing attacks and the moment later, regrets it? If any of this happens to you, let me tell you something: you are human. If you want to master that irrepressible tendency, it is good to know this concept: SHENPA.

When releasing our tension has its consequences

When we act in the same way that we no longer want to behave, we regret it and feel bad for not being able to self-manage with full awareness. This leads us to uncomfortable situations, creating unnecessary conflicts with others, and feeling bad about ourselves for falling back into the same patterns we wish to change. That "bitter taste" is a consequence of getting "hooked" on something we desperately want to free ourselves from.

In Eastern psychology, there is a word of Tibetan origin that describes this impulse to be carried away by what harms us: that word is SHENPA.

Shenpa is somewhat like the propensity to get "hooked" on that bait which leads us, like a fish, by the nose to undesirable places we already know but find it difficult to detach from. The appropriate metaphor would be a fish that sees the bait, bites the hook victim of temptation, and ends up being led by the line through the current, transforming from fish to trapped fish.

What triggers our Shenpa.

When someone says or does something that triggers our "shenpa," we become like fish biting the hook and being dragged by the fishing line of our conditioning and habitual patterns. It is challenging to find a single word that fully describes "shenpa," but surely everyone knows what I mean because it presents itself to us repeatedly in everyday life.

Continuing with analogies, I could say that "shenpa" is somewhat like the itch and the urge to scratch. It's hard not to scratch where it itches, right? Scratching brings relief, but it also irritates us and leads us to keep scratching until our skin turns red. So, "urgency" is also an appropriate word. The urgency to be right, to point out what's wrong, to criticize, to judge, to smoke that cigarette, to overeat, to have one last drink, or to do something that "we can't resist." Whatever constitutes the foundation of our compulsion to alleviate the tension of the itch or initial discomfort, that is "shenpa." Quickly, anger traps us, and like descending into a spiral, we lower our level of consciousness and step into the ring to box or plummet in our self-esteem by getting hooked on a comment that touches a sore spot. If we suffer from any form of addiction, "scratching the itch" will be a way to numb that discomfort or unpleasant feeling that emerged when we allowed ourselves to be "hooked" by that intervention that struck us right where it hurt the most.

Shenpa is the hook we bite when our most vulnerable parts are touched, and we cannot help but react from very primitive tendencies. And like a fish caught, injured, and returned to the sea, it bites the hook again because it didn't learn from the previous experience. Similarly, we bite the hook and regret it over and over again.

How to start identifying our Shenpas?

At the beginning, we are not aware of this tendency until we start working on ourselves and become conscious of our Shenpas. It is at this point that some wisdom (prajna) or clear vision emerges to dispel some of our ignorance. Even though we may still find it challenging to stop scratching the itch, at least we begin to identify what is causing the discomfort. It is all part of a chain reaction that starts when something within us tenses up, and we seek to relieve that nervousness in unwise or unkind ways, both towards ourselves and others. The scratching is a part of Shenpa, but at least we have progressed in becoming aware.

Expanding the space between stimulus and reaction is one way to start gaining personal mastery. There will come a time when, if we continue working on ourselves, we can transition from reaction to consciously choosing how we want to respond or not to a particular situation.

The compulsion to react reveals the numerous addictions we all have, and this recognition should lead us to become more humble and tolerant of our own and others' progress.

The Buddhist concept of "Shenpa" shows us that when we feel slight discomfort, restlessness, or even boredom, instead of identifying those sensations, observing them, and staying with them without rushing to get rid of them, we often seek soothing distractions like food, work, compulsive shopping, drugs, sex, alcohol, or even complaining, firmly believing that these will remove our discomfort.

How to work on this tendency to bite the hook and allow ourselves to be dragged by it?

The root is learning to experience discomfort, to feel the itch without immediately scratching. It's about noticing the Shenpa and not acting on it, not carrying it out. Going back to the fish metaphor, it's like watching the hook pass by and not biting it, even though the bait is tempting! Why? Because we have already learned that we will end up being taken to an unhappy place.

Not acting on the Shenpa in Eastern teachings is called "renunciation." This is very interesting because the word "renunciation" in Tibetan is translated as "shenluk," which means "reversing the Shenpa," taking away its driving power. Renunciation is not about the action itself, the food, the work, or the shopping... It's about "re-enunciating," stating again:

"Where am I going to respond from?"

From the reins of my horse or from the runaway horse that has lost complete control over itself?"

It's not renouncing the things themselves, but the unconscious and compulsive way of relating to them, to stop being dragged by our Shenpas.

In Buddhist teachings, nothing is eliminated, and there is no battle against anything. We don't fight against our Shenpas; instead, we learn to see them with absolute clarity, learning to let them pass. This is when the wisdom to tame them begins to ride on the ignorance of automatic reaction. When we identify them, we can realize the chain reaction that comes with letting ourselves be swallowed by them. The next step will be to take a step back, observe them from a distance, and anticipate the reaction to be able to choose our actions in advance.

A resource, a decision made, a phrase, an internal agreement serves as an "anchor" to avoid falling into temptation. If our weakness is always "reacting" when a certain person makes a comment, the wise thing would be to promise ourselves not to respond impulsively before meeting them. If our weakness, on the other hand, is overeating at every social event, the intelligent approach would be to decide what to eat and what not at home (away from temptation), and be mindful of taking care of ourselves, avoiding what makes us more vulnerable.

When little by little we learn to "let go"

When we no longer scratch where it itches, what itches stops bothering us. When we learn to become familiar with discomfort, tension, anxiety, and impatience without doing anything to suppress those sensations, without fighting against them, their intensity weakens.

We are accustomed to seeking immediate relief from discomfort, searching for comfort and satisfaction in objects or behaviors that, in moderation, enrich our lives, but when imbued with this addictive quality, they weaken us. We all consume quick-acting pain relievers for unpleasant symptoms, but the consequences can be harsh for ourselves and others.

Our mission is to recognize when we are tensing up, when anxiety is increasing within us, when we are "about to..." and, upon recognizing it, to step away from that path from which it is challenging to return. The sooner we realize that Shenpa is arising, the easier it will be to work with it.

It's more challenging to interrupt the impulse when we are already too engulfed by it. Sometimes, even when we realize that we are acting on Shenpa, we cannot let go of it. The urgency is so acute, the craving so strong, the attachment so intense that we feel we can no longer do anything about it other than letting ourselves be carried away. However, we are always in time to find a fork in the road and, in an act of full awareness, take a deep breath, pause, and lovingly release ourselves from that hook that hurts us, trying to make the injuries smaller and smaller until we are capable of letting it pass without getting caught.

We can start by practicing with smaller hooks to gain confidence and then challenge ourselves with the ones that are most difficult not to get caught by.

What is the secret of Shenpa?

The secret of Shenpa is not to bite those hooks that later become difficult to release without getting hurt. Learn to observe them from a distance, to take care of their sharp edges, and remember the injuries they cause and the "bad taste" they leave.

I have always thought that if those fish that are caught and then returned to their habitat could learn not to bite where they are tempted, they would continue to be free fish instead of becoming prey for their predators: human beings.

The difference between the fish and us is that they don't have the capacity to learn, and we, as human beings, have consciousness that, if trained, becomes skilled and works in our favor. However, sometimes we forget this quality and continue to be pulled in different directions, unable to take a stand and govern our own personality.

It is essential not to reinforce the Shenpa, that is, not to keep doing what we usually do every time we feel discomfort. The question we need to ask ourselves is:

"What do we do when we don't do what we usually do?"

Each time we have the will to be present and do something different from the same old patterns, that's when our Shenpas lose power, and we gain control over ourselves.