Slow down, ease the demands.
Going back and forth, running around, the feeling of never-ending, the clear perception of not being able to cope, the denial that we can't handle everything, and the expectations of having everything resolved... does it sound familiar? It surely does... This hustle and bustle leads to dissatisfaction, frustration, and anger taking over our day-to-day lives, preventing us from recognising that we do our best and can't always perform equally. We are human beings, not machines. However, we often demand too much from ourselves; we overburden ourselves and mercilessly chastise ourselves.
In this never-ending dynamic, we fail to recognize the unconscious mistreatment we inflict on our weaker, more vulnerable, and less mechanized parts.
We need to say "enough!" to that inner voice that reminds us at every moment that we should be doing more, that something was left undone, that it is not enough, that we are not living up to the circumstances.
It's time to stop fooling ourselves with that feeling of "lack" that diminish the recognition of our efforts and leaves us with the frustrating impression that no matter what we do, it's never enough. We find it hard to embrace and recognise our achievements, advances, and progress because they always seem insufficient compared to the "ideal" of what we believe we need to achieve.
When we allow ourselves to be swallowed by the cultural message of never stopping, we fail to consider that in a rush, we lose sight of life, which is not a sequence of resolved and unresolved things. This doesn't mean "doing nothing" and just watching life go by...
It is about finding a balance between action and pause, between doing and letting things happen, and this "deal" must be guided by the awareness that life is not a continuous list of things done.
When life is reduced to a daily routine, there comes a time when something inside us empties out and runs out of energy. Slowing down from time to time and observing the course of events as an “internal witness” helps us not lose sight of those questions that we need to ask ourselves to remind ourselves of what we really want in life and what matters most to us.
The day has a finite duration. If we dedicate many hours to work, we cannot complain about being absent in other areas or spaces.
Understanding that we cannot be in two places at once is a big step toward stopping blaming and criticising ourselves for what is left undone when we choose one thing over another.
Sometimes, the most difficult things to reconcile are work and family. There's a dichotomy in which people who dedicate themselves to work feel guilty for neglecting their loved ones, and people who spend a lot of their time with family feel frustrated for not building something of their own that makes them feel fulfilled.
A rich life is a diversified and balanced life. Of course, there will be people more devoted to one issue than to another, the problem is when there's a "zero" in a slot that matters to us: that slot can be our body's health, our affections, a relegated vocation, postponed friendships, the relationship with our children, rest, and feeling at peace with oneself.
Making space and seeking strategies that help us reconcile the aspects that matter most to us relieves us and makes us feel in harmony. There's no more significant energy loss than doing one thing while feeling guilty for not doing another. Knowing that the fundamental slots are covered and that there's a time and space for each of them allows us to be where we are and focus on each thing we do.
That's called organisation, and it also means managing one's own life from a conscious place, avoiding being swept away by the current that relentlessly voraciously drags us towards excesses that consume all our energy and time.
Each person, based on their tastes, preferences, or life mission, will prioritise what they give more commitment and dedication to. Other people will prefer a more diversified life distributed in different areas.
The former has to accept that prioritizing something in particular means leaving aside other issues: being the friend who is always there, the most attentive daughter or the most willing son, the most available mother, the most present father, the most accommodating woman, All of this will not be possible if professional fulfilment is a priority, which is neither good nor bad. It's a choice that often goes hand in hand with what is felt as a life mission.
The important thing here is to make peace with the internal tugs and not feel guilty for what we leave out when something that interests and excites us gains importance.
The second group of people who opt to be more multifaceted need to assume that there are things that will not be done hundred per cent. Covering different areas implies distributing time and energy in a way quite different from those who choose to give something priority in their lives.
Both ways are valid ways to live, and there will be many more ways to live as people inhabiting this immense planet.
What we must not forget...
In all cases, what should we not forget? We must not deny that we are merely human beings, that we cannot be here and there or divide ourselves, that choosing means leaving aside other options that we would also like, and that not choosing is to remain stranded or dragged by the current that carries us without us being too conscious.
When we cannot decide what place to give each thing in our life, we cannot be fully present in the moment we are in because we are thinking about what we are neglecting or overlooking. Complementing the aspects of our life that matter most to us and dedicating time and space to each of those things relieves us, empties us of guilt and makes us active agents of a more lucid and awake life.
We must recognise ourselves as humans, which means learning to delegate, tolerating lack and frustration, contemplating our emotions, being willing to establish realistic routines, and considering that things do not always (or almost never) turn out as we had thought.
How can we live by saving ourselves unnecessary stress?
Learn to delegate...
Sometimes, we believe ourselves to be omnipotent and take on too many responsibilities on our shoulders. We don't want to leave anything out nor give up control and end up overwhelmed by wanting to hoard so much. Delegating means trusting others with those issues that do not need our exclusive intervention. Being humble and not thinking of ourselves as indispensable relieves a lot of overload and lowers the arrogance of believing that everything has to go through our absolute intervention. Delegating is a strength, not a weaknessCreate realistic routines...
Following a plan designed in moments of tranquillity and calm helps us to be consistent, not to want one thing and dedicate time to another. Routines are decisions already made that facilitate us. Our brain finds it very hard to decide what to do or not to do, facilitating this task with a bunch of things already resolved lightens having to dedicate every day to determine whether we are going to do physical activity, how many hours we are going to work, at what time we are going to get up, what things we are going to prioritise. Routines have a reputation for being boring. However, they are great strategies for not deviating from the desired direction. Routines become dysfunctional when they are filled with activities that alienate us.
Creating a set of healthy routines and following them to the letter prevents us from being left to momentary desires, which do not always lead us in the desired direction.
Tolerate lack and frustration...
Leaving a wide margin for all those issues that we took for granted and did not turn out as we expected helps us not to get too upset when things get out of hand. Accepting the messiness of life and not pretending to have all our ducks in a row relaxes our fixed structures and removes the pressure of having to be on top of what exceeds our control. Tolerating lack also means stopping to pretend that everything is as we wish it to be before we can feel good about our lives. Learning to be happy and grateful for our circumstances is not about settling or resigning ourselves, but learning to walk the path we are walking whistling and not with a long face because we have not yet reached those desired conditions.
Tolerating lack also means stopping to pretend that everything is as we wish it to be before we can feel good about our lives.
Contemplate the emotions that inhabit us...
We do not always feel the same. Pretending to put "on" and continue as if nothing happened when we are sad or discouraged is to pretend to function like machines devoid of all feeling and emotion. Moving forward like a bulldozer without registering what happens inside us has very high costs. Our body can scream what we do not express in words, just as we can lean the ladder against the wrong wall and continue eagerly climbing steps, only to realize at the end of our existence that it was not where we wanted to go.
We can lean the ladder against the wrong wall and continue eagerly climbing steps, only to realize at the end of our existence that it was not where we wanted to go.
Our values are like internal compasses that guide us where "yes" and where "not". Making daily pauses and interrogating them with intelligence helps us to maintain coherence between what we value and what we do in the direction of it.
The importance of giving meaning to what we do
Life is not just running and running on a wheel that never ends. We are not laboratory rats; we are human beings with consciousness that can be used at our service and for the benefit of others. We feel so much better when we give meaning and entire presence to our actions. An exciting life worth living is lived "awake". This has nothing to do with the number of things we get to solve, with what we do or stop doing, but if we are where we are when we are doing something and how we do what we do when we are doing it, with what degree of consciousness, with how much heart and good intention... When we feel that we are contributing to something greater, when we give our time value, when we know that we did better today than yesterday or last year, we stop moving in a horizontal line from here to there, to treasure a vertical dimension in which we ascend step by step in our personal evolution. And at each ascending step, life is contemplated differently. We no longer go like a headless chicken. We no longer worry about trivialities or rush into things, believing that more is better. We learn to do differently when more of the same is not the way, and we have our eyes wide open and our souls awake to not make the same mistakes over and over again.
When we stop moving in a horizontal line from here to there, we can begin to treasure a vertical dimension in which we ascend step by step in our personal evolution. And with each upward step, life is seen differently.
When you're in too much of a hurry, try to take a pause, breathe, and watch where you step. Before berating yourself for not doing this or that, recognise your effort, admit your vulnerabilities, and don't pretend to be perfect; doing well enough is more than acceptable.
Don't pretend to be perfect; doing well enough is more than acceptable.
Sometimes we can do more, occasionally less. Sometimes, we feel tired, and other times, we feel full of vitality. Sometimes everything takes shape. Other times, we swim in chaos that is difficult to decipher. This doesn't just happen to you; It happens to all of us. It is life itself that expresses itself in sometimes uncertain ways. Accompanying each other with kindness, without demands or reproaches, to be better human beings is the mission of life that calls us beyond the daily hustle and bustle that sometimes distracts us from what really matters when “nothing matters anymore.”