Expatriate: And now what?

Recalculating...

Moving to live in another country can be one of the most amazing and challenging experiences. It's a kind of "master's in life" that isn't taught in any university.

As an expatriate psychologist, I have accompanied and continue to accompany many people who, for different reasons, have decided to pack their bags and cross borders in search of new experiences or a better life. I am witness to great personal transformations resulting from an awareness that migration compels us to develop resources that did not emerge in our old comfort zone.

We are defined by a certain context in which we have identified ourselves. In fact, when we talk about ourselves to others, we usually say, "I am an engineer," "designer," "doctor," "teacher," "administrator," "from Madrid," "from Córdoba," "family-oriented," "friendly." And when the context changes, we feel our identity shake. Perhaps we no longer work in the same field, we don't gather with family on Sundays, our lifelong friends are far away, and we stop doing many things that we felt were "very us."

Sometimes, these changes trigger anxiety, and we may continue to define ourselves for a while in ways that we are no longer, that have been left behind, that no longer identify us. For example, I used to say about myself that I was structured and attached. However, after having been a digital nomad for three years of travelling the world and adapting to what was previously unthinkable for me, those labels I had undoubtedly no longer represent who I am today. My experiences have changed me, and I have gone through my process of personal updating.

This "updating" of who we feel we are currently helps us mourn an identity that has been left behind and allows us to be in many ways without fear of losing ourselves or feeling strange to ourselves. Because truly, what we call "I" at a certain moment in life is not our true "Essence"; it remains the same throughout life, unaffected by external changes. When we manage to "find our footing" on this axis of calm in our centre, we recognize that everything else is garments that we take off and put on. And expatriating demands the necessary time to adapt to new clothes that fit us well and that match who we choose to be from now on, from this new great challenge... perhaps a person with more initiative? More practical? Decisive? Daring? Bold? Flexible?... Everyone needs to ask themselves: What adjustments do I need to make in my personality to make the most of this experience?

When we let go of old crutches, we have no choice but to learn to "rely on ourselves." In that journey, the possibility of consolidating our security and self-confidence occurs, an enormous psychological asset that we will take with us wherever we decide to go.

What can help you find "your place" while being abroad?

• Give yourself time. Not speaking the language fluently and feeling lost about local life, new codes, and unfamiliar cultures can trigger anxiety and make us forget that adapting to life in another country is part of a process that takes time. When anxiety overwhelms you, take a pause and ask yourself, what's the rush? Why pressure me so much? Enjoy savouring the new, being amazed by what seems strange to you. This gradual appropriation is fascinating. Don't rush this stage; perhaps by trying to speed things up, you miss out on experiences and learnings that could serve you much later on.
• Moderate your expectations. Living abroad is a radical change, but it won't transform your life overnight. Ambitions should go hand in hand with the efforts each person is willing to make. It's not appropriate to set ideals that are too high that later turn out to be very distant from reality. Considering the possibility that the initial period may be difficult is part of facing the challenge with a realistic criterion.
• Accept your emotions. It's expected that emotions overlap and contradict each other. On the same day, we can feel anxiety, sadness, excitement, regret, gratitude, nostalgia, and hope. Permitting ourselves to accept each emotion that inhabits us and listening to their message is an opportunity to get to know ourselves and recognize ourselves in this new stage. Also, consider that there are many griefs to go through (for friends and family who are far away, for certain habits, customs, and traditions that are left behind). Everything is felt intensely; emotions magnify during transitional moments. It's not uncommon to sometimes feel on top of the world and other times adrift. Sometimes, when the adaptation process becomes difficult, a wise decision is to seek help from a professional who can accompany us during this stage, not necessarily because we cannot face the circumstances alone but because good guidance helps us not lose clarity and sheds light on what we cannot see.
• Meet new people. Building networks with local people gradually enables us to create a sense of belonging. Also, opening ourselves to new connections helps us not idealize those left behind in our country. Openness and initiative are fundamental. Don't wait to be found; join activities, gatherings, communities, and language exchange meetings where significant encounters, information, and contacts may be very helpful. And why not? The beginning of good and deep friendships may arise.
• Establish a schedule of habits and routines. This prior organization is very useful for bringing some stability amidst so many changes and emotional ups and downs. It also helps us stop feeling like "visitors" and start weaving a "real" life there, an everyday life, but now in a new place. Making lists of things we need to resolve and checking them off gives us the feeling that we are progressing in our adaptation process.

Venturing into the experience of living in another country will never turn out badly. Why? Because whether it meets your expectations or not, lasts longer or shorter than planned, or is a decision for life, it greatly expands our identity, helps us question what we call "normal," relativize our truths, accept different ways of living, and ask ourselves questions that we perhaps didn't ask before. It shakes up our old routines and forces us to generate more emotional and practical resources to navigate life... this translates into maturity and growth.