What to Do When We're Sad?
Sadness, as such, gets a bad rap... Every time we feel sad, we tend to want to run away from it in horror. We immediately look for someone to cheer us up, and there's no shortage of people telling us... "It's not that bad!" Cheer up! Let's clear our minds! It will pass soon!
Of course, it will pass soon... there's no doubt about that because emotions come and go.
The main issue is not that the sadness passes as soon as possible but... "how does it happen"? And what message or lesson does emotion leave us? If we only look for ways to evade it with distractions, food, shopping, or high doses of Netflix, then that sadness did not fulfill its function.
Sadness is an emotion that we must dare to look at directly and ask what it tells us about how we are living, what decisions we are making, what values we are holding and what internal coherence we are feeling.
When sadness knocks on our door, it's like the postman bringing us a letter... Would you receive it and leave the envelope unopened? Surely not, right?
Sadness and each of the emotions that visit us bring us a message that we need to listen to. "Bad" emotions do not exist; what makes them painful is our resistance to face them head-on or our inertia to stay there forever.
The function of sadness as such is to generate a "personal withdrawal" to look inside ourselves. That's why when we're sad, the natural tendency is not wanting to see anyone, wanting to be at peace, to hide in our cave and not be asked questions we don't want to answer... However, there are people who, wanting to do better, do the opposite and run away, terrified of their low mood.
The culture we live in also does not help us to follow the healthiest path of the emotion. Being sad seems not to be cool, so we are not allowed to cry what we need to cry, to reflect on what we need to ponder, to regret what we need to repair. We have hundreds of stimuli and good excuses to elegantly dodge the issue, without taking responsibility.
However, what is not heard, not observed head-on with honesty, evaded, not worked on in ourselves... next time it will not ring the bell nor accept a coffee, but it will return as a crisis, a symptom, a disease, or a much more difficult emotional mix to untangle, from so much we have allowed to accumulate.
Sadness and each of the emotions that visit us bring us a message that we need to listen to. "Bad" emotions do not exist; what makes them painful is our resistance to face them head-on or our inertia to stay there forever.
Sadness is an Opportunity
Many will wonder: an opportunity? For what? I don't like being sad at all! Sadness is an opportunity because it tells us that something in our life is not right, that we need to pay attention to what we are not listening to. There are those who will need to pause, stop, or finally get going once and for all with something they know internally they have been delaying, there are travelers who need stability and to "settle down," even if it's hard for them to accept, there are those who need to separate, those who are tired of continuing in that tedious job that alienates them, those who left the country and want to return, those who desperately want to leave, also those who don't know why they are sad if everything around them seems to be fine.
Sometimes life asks us for small adjustments and agreements, and other times it demands more drastic changes... something akin to turning life inside out like a twisted sock.
The first neglected thing can lead to the second if we question ourselves too little about how we feel.
Sitting down for a coffee with sadness would be like a meeting with a part of ourselves that is not entirely satisfied and asking it with kindness and receptivity: What message does it have for us?
We are afraid because we think that listening to its message means immediately acting on it, "having to do something with what we heard inside."
However, it's not like that. Realizing that we no longer love does not mean that we have to separate two days later, for example. The honest thing is to look at our desire, accept what moves within us, be aware of what we feel instead of running away in horror like children fleeing from ghosts that dwell in the closets.
Following our desire is not a guarantee of happiness, but taking charge of them and our emotional world is a guarantee of our authenticity. The desire for what we would like sometimes clashes with reality. That is, we don't like to desire what we desire, it scares us, challenges us, takes us out of our comfort zone. There is nothing more uncomfortable than taking charge of what we desire, but there is no worse life lived than never daring to look at it.
Following our desire is not a guarantee of happiness, but taking charge of them and our emotional world is indeed a guarantee of our authenticity.
There is nothing more uncomfortable than taking charge of what we desire, but there is no worse life lived than never daring to look at it.
Sadness often comes to remind us of our desires or to show us what we no longer want. Letting this be expressed "out of prison" makes us feel already very brave, whatever we decide to do afterwards with what was released. When our sadness has been listened to, elaborated, sifted through, then it calms down..., it becomes serene, it settles.
From listening to what our sadness has to tell us, from the information we then have about ourselves, we can decide what to do or not to do with it, but we will no longer vainly try to cover the sun with a finger. Maybe we can take a step towards our desire or maybe it's still not the time. Whatever we decide to do with what we "realize," living an emotionally honest and non-evasive life already evolves our consciousness and makes us feel more dignified and strengthened. Why? Because fleeing from sadness, escaping from it, fighting against it, takes our strength away. It's like an energy leak that "seeps" through somewhere and appears as humidity shortly after patching the wall without treating it as it should be.
Living an emotionally honest and non-evasive life already evolves our consciousness and makes us feel more dignified and strengthened.
What We Should Not Do With Sadness
Just as there are people who evade sadness, there are others who cling to it like ticks. They don't just invite it for a coffee but also bake it a cake, make a bed with white sheets for it, and host it for life until it ends up directing and commanding their life. Instead of receiving the "envelope" with the emotion's message, they keep staring at it, turn it into a scroll, and hang it on the wall as if it were a painting. Those who make a cult of sadness and even light candles for it become prisoners of bitterness, misfortune, and nostalgia. Here are the dramatic people, who are "fixed" on an emotion that clouds their vision. And without a doubt, seeing life through sadness takes away all its beauty.
These people might not even open the "envelope"; they just look at it and feel sorry for themselves. We should not cling to any emotion, just as clouds pass one after another in our lives: sadness, joy, fear, anger... all of them transient, helping us to realize what happens to us when life "touches" us, "shakes" us, "mobilizes" us. Sometimes we feel on top, other times underground.
We should never believe that we are at the top nor at the bottom
The correct attitude is to face what our emotions are telling us and let them go without resisting or clinging to them. Sadness invites us to look inward, to delve deep into ourselves, to step out of autopilot. Often behind a lot of hyperactivity hides a deep depression that we don't want to face.
It's not bad to feel sad; what's unhealthy is to live there. When we give ourselves permission for silence, for solitude, to listen to ourselves, we save ourselves from sadness shouting what we resist hearing. From emotional maturity, sadness helps us evolve. It tells us where yes and where not, and what is harming us.
The next time you feel sad, have a coffee with your sadness, look it in the eyes, let it look at you, and make a pact of dignity and honesty with this emotion that has a bad reputation but can be a very good advisor. After listening to its message, you have all the time you need to decide and gather strength, and then make the adjustments you need to make in your daily living or turn your life around like a sock if its message was forceful and clear and you can't continue like this...