Addicted to Being Ourselves
There's an addiction that goes undiscussed, silently lurking behind the walls of an identity we cherish as unique and solidified. This addiction isn't tethered to external substances that overwhelm us, nor to relationships that suffocate and imprison us.
It's an addiction hard to break free from because it's imperceptible to us, yet perhaps glaringly obvious to the external observer who sees us from the outside, noticing how we repeat the same patterns over and over again. Being always the same version of ourselves, as if stuck on repeat like a song playing until we've had enough. Similarly, we perceive those who judge us as broken records, endlessly criticizing because they've been stuck in the same loop for years…
Many of us, (with few exceptions), consume the same identity day after day, one that diminishes us and destines us to be forever the same. Thus, the complainer continues to complain, about the wind, the noise, the heat, the cold, and the neighbor. Those who are quick to anger find endless reasons to be annoyed until they explode, consuming their daily dose of fury and rage. The addict to pleasing begs for their daily fix of approval without which they feel nonexistent. Meanwhile, the self-rejector won't go a day without finding reasons to despise themselves, just as the narcissist finds reasons to boast.
The self-rejector won't go a day without finding reasons to despise themselves, just as the narcissist finds reasons to boast.
It's easy to see in others, right? Surely as you read this, you thought of various people who, being so predictable, become tedious and boring. But, this time I invite you to ask yourself... What version of yourself are you addicted to? Which traits, behaviors, omissions, procrastinations, obsessions, thoughts, or emotions are you poisoned by?
Realizing how we repeat ourselves, stripping away our usual habits, saying YES to what we always said NO to, and NO to what we always said YES to, opens us up to a multitude of infinite ways of being that lead us to an unimagined universe of experiences. Staying anchored in who we claim to be deprives others of meeting better versions of who we could become, and deprives us of evolving to access better ways of life, more coherent, serene, with a consciousness that allows us to appreciate what we can't see when we're "taken" by our unconscious automatisms.
Staying anchored in who we claim to be deprives others of meeting better versions of who we could become, and deprives us of evolving to access better ways of life
How do we stop being addicted to Who We Are?
Being addicted to ourselves impoverishes, bores, and spoils us. Trying new ways of being renews and refreshes us. And it's not about changing looks or dressing differently, nor about going to bed one way and waking up another. We reinvent ourselves by committing to deeply know ourselves, by learning to observe ourselves in action, and beginning to recognize where, when, in front of whom, or with whom we fall prey to the same addiction and always have that "same taste" of ourselves that now tires or sickens us.
And then we need a titanic strength to endure the withdrawal of not always responding the same way, of not always making the same face, of resisting the blind urge to quit what one starts, of falling into victimization or the ignoble habit of always blaming the other for all our woes and frustrations. And when we stop walking the same behavioral paths, where until recently our footprint was imprinted, grass begins to grow, and that ground, which was once arid and barren, becomes fertile for planting seeds of patience, kindness, tolerance, perseverance, gratitude, or whatever each one needs to cultivate to enrich where our identity has been left beggarly or insufficient to navigate our existence with more resources and tools.
Just as we leave behind clothes that no longer fit or are worn out, we also need to renew our old labels and layers of identity that no longer represent us, bring problems, or limit the unfolding of our full potential.
Our identity has the possibility to expand, to broaden, to become more flexible, as much as our consciousness is willing to evolve. It's not an easy task, but it is simple.
A good therapist can help us see what we sometimes cannot, behind the scars of who we believe we are and think we can't stop being. Massaging what hurts, leaving behind the stale, emptying what now smells rotten of who we claim to be, frees us from the addiction of repeating the same identity as if it were Groundhog Day… Have you watch this movie? I invite you to watch it, if you feel bored watching it... Don't fall into the arrogance of feeling so different! That's how it sometimes happens to us or to others with us.