Get tired of being who we are
As Mafalda said… Why on the earth did I get to be me?
Sometimes one gets tired of being who they are. Tired of making the same mistakes, of stumbling over the same stone again and again. Weary of always feeling that "taste of self" that even bores us... whether it's because we're constantly complaining, procrastinating, getting angry, annoying, or exhibiting any other attitude that leads us to the same old places, and therefore, to the overwhelming sensation of being who we are.
One might think... how unfortunate it is to be the very person one cannot stand! What a nuisance to live with oneself twenty-four hours a day, three hundred sixty-five days a year, and for a whole lifetime, especially when we're not happy with who we are becoming... But no! Here's some good news! In truth, it can be a good sign, an opportunity for evolution. A sign that our personality no longer fits us and it's time to expand, to unfold a more abundant and spacious identity. A new "Self" that encompasses attitudes, behaviors, and habits that benefit us and favor the development of a better version of ourselves.
Far from being alarming, it's normal and even desirable to grow tired of always being the same person; worse would be if years pass and we remain in the same place of evolution.
Ken Wilber, a pioneer in Transpersonal Psychology, coined the term “optimal dissatisfaction”, which, applied to the topic I’m sharing. This term can be understood as the right amount of discontent needed to initiate a process of change, of personal transformation. It’s about saying "enough is enough" to what tires us out... to set boundaries we weren’t setting before, to step out of toxic relationships, to stop poisoning ourselves, or to stop harming ourselves with what we know is damaging. A person who thinks this way goes through periods of crisis and personal alchemy that lead to transforming lead into gold. To convert what no longer serves us into raw material to increase our wisdom capital, to navigate life with more awareness and clarity.
So, far from being alarming, it's normal and even desirable to grow tired of always being the same person; worse would be if years pass and we remain in the same place of evolution.
The challenge is to enable the question that sets this stagnation in motion: What would happen if I were different from how I am now? Instead of getting stuck in the assertion “this is just how I am.” When we understand ourselves as processes and not as finished results, we can update our identity by introducing the miraculous “What if…?” What if I leave behind this impulsive tendency? What if I start singing, painting, or whatever I’ve been postponing? What if I distance myself from this person who harms me? What if I dare to study what I like and set aside the excuses? What if I say yes to what I almost automatically say no to? Because the “weariness of self” can be a sign that we are always traveling the same path. And something within us beats to remind us that we are not unfolding our best, or perhaps we are being less than all the potential we came to manifest.
When there are parts of us that feel self-betrayed and demand “runway” to land, symptoms and discomfort appear as alarm signals to look inside and find out what’s happening to us. Those who think the problem is outside, that it's others or the circumstances... miss the chance to turn around in the spiral of evolution. On the other hand, those who take responsibility, practice “Stop, Look, and Go”, and before continuing, observe well where they want to keep stepping forward.
The “weariness of self” can be a sign that we are always traveling the same path. And something within us beats to remind us that we are not unfolding our best, or perhaps we are being less than all the potential we came to manifest.
Leaving Behind Parts of Ourselves to Evolve
When there are parts of ourselves that we find difficult to live with, we need to divorce ourselves from them, set them aside, and recognize that they are just less evolved “parts” that no longer align with who we wish to be. They are not our entire identity. And even if it were so, our personality does not define us once and for all if we give ourselves the chance to leave behind our labels and open up to new experiences that bring us “new flavors,” helping us to update ourselves and feel more comfortable with who we are.
Sometimes, we evolve in consciousness; we realize things we didn’t before, and our needs change. If our personality doesn’t keep up, if our behaviors, habits, and choices remain the same, we feel misaligned with the values we now wish to embody. This disconnect is a call to initiate new attitudes that are more in line and coherent with who we want to be. Perhaps behind our resistance to change, lies a true miracle of who we could become...
This disconnect is a call to initiate new attitudes that are more in line and coherent with who we want to be. Perhaps behind our resistance to change, lies a true miracle of who we could become...
On the other hand, if we belittle ourselves, if we are less than what we came to Be (not do), we are inhabited by a bland taste that occasionally tires or annoys us. Building a fruitful life requires the participation of each protagonist and the courage to restore the personality when it no longer fits us, does not represent us, certain parts are toxic, or have become outdated.
Discovering new ways of being who we are renews us and connects us with an inner contentment that restores calm and the pleasure of being who we are.
"Why on earth did I get to be me!" Yes, we all get dealt cards we don't like, but the truth is we have the chance to play them in the best way possible if, instead of folding and taking ourselves for granted, we dare to go beyond complaints and weariness. Lives without purpose are dull and bland. Discovering new ways of being who we are renews us and connects us with an inner contentment that restores calm and the pleasure of being who we are.