Decide your own life.

Choosing one's own life is among the most valuable privileges, yet it can also be the most challenging when doubt plunges us into the paralysis of indecision. Sometimes, we get dizzy evaluating alternatives or trying to hit the nail on the head. But... what's really important when it comes to deciding? What should we base our decisions on to ensure they are beneficial for our personal growth?

Undoubtedly, when making important decisions, we need first to know ourselves and trust in ourselves as the best judges of what is good for us.

Not all decisions carry the same weight. There are inconsequential or minor decisions that don't have too much impact on our lives, and there are others that mark a before and after that are crucial and can lead us down very different paths without knowing beforehand what landscape awaits us after opening one door and not another.

We may be torn between painting our room light or dark, wearing a skirt or pants, or going by car or bus. By the way, choosing one option or the other will have no impact on our lives. Therefore, there is not a lot to worry about. But what happens when we debate whether or not to leave a job, whether to continue a years-long relationship or separate, whether to stay in our country or go live abroad?

In times of uncertainty or when life presents us with a fork in the road, deciding is a difficult process. We can become paralyzed by an endless list of pros and cons, dizzy from the huge mess of opinions others give us, or blocked by anxiety that doesn't let us think clearly.

What should we consider when making decisions? What parameters should we focus on to ensure our decisions align with our self-actualization?

When facing tough decisions, rather than focusing on the alternatives among which we find it hard to choose, we need to take a step back and focus on the essence of the decision itself. We need to forget about here or there, leaving or staying, light or dark, and value a more psychological or philosophical sense of the act of deciding. Confidence in the decision has to be based on personal values rather than on the outcomes, which can be fortuitous, random, or beyond our control. Let's see what aspects we need to consider...

Four considerations for making decisions:

• Mistakes are part of the path.

Making mistakes is not only not serious, but it is necessary to live a fulfilling life. Whoever has not made mistakes has never risked enough to feel their life intensely. Navigating uncertainty and taking on challenges gives us the chance to grow with each experience and explore, learn, and cultivate aspects of our personality we were unaware of. Uncertainty also helps us feel appreciation, surprise, pride, joy, humility, inspiration, and all the other things that make life interesting and fulfilling. There's no way to guarantee that we won't make bad decisions or that we'll never regret... because even as we go through life without great sorrows or glories, walking "lukewarm" through life, we run tremendous risk: living a life that is mechanized and tasteless.

Experiencing the richness of life means encountering unwanted outcomes, going through uncomfortable situations, and getting up if we have stumbled. So, when you feel paralyzed by indecision because you are afraid of making a mistake, tell yourself: "If this decision turns out to be the best, great! If it turns out not to be ideal, great! That's the price I must pay to feel like the owner and protagonist of my own story."

• Let yourself be guided by your values, not by fear.

Often, we are carried away by the fear of what could go wrong. What if I later regret it? What if I get bored? What if I waste time? What if I waste my money? What if it's different from what I expect? The fear factors weighing on the balance are endless. If fear guides our decisions, we'll remain stranded for fear of taking a wrong step and stepping on mined terrain.

Instead of making a decision based on the fears we want to avoid, let's do it based on the values we want to move towards. Values are general principles that guide our lives, and the good thing about them is that we can choose them. Integrity, stability, freedom, prestige, courage, peace, honesty, responsibility... and the list could go on indefinitely. Each one needs to ask themselves internally: What do I value most? What is important to cultivate in my life? How do I want to feel? What person do I want to become? There are no right or wrong answers here. The more our decisions are aligned with our values, the better we will feel about who we are from moment to moment.

• Emotion or Reason?

We often hear phrases like "think with your head" or "do what you feel." In truth, when deciding, we have to learn to "feel what we think and think what we feel." It is through a mixture of mind and heart that we make more balanced decisions. We don't have to choose between reason or emotion; they are not opposites. On the contrary, they need to complement each other and provide useful and relevant information.

With our rational minds, we can make endless lists of pros and cons, establishing factors to consider in our decision-making. Suppose we are trying to decide whether to stay with our current partner or leave that relationship. We can list that they are smart, interesting, attractive, and patient but also somewhat selfish, disorganized, unpredictable, and unstable. Now, consult your values... what is more important on your scale of values: intelligence or stability, attraction or generosity?

But keep in mind that your emotional mind also plays an important role in defining. If your balance of pros and cons points to staying in your relationship "because it makes sense, because it fits," but you feel a great heaviness or disappointment when you come to this conclusion, take note. Your emotional part may have important information behind all the conjectures you have arrived at rationally. Perhaps one of the cons secretly holds more value than you think.

• Reward yourself for the experience gained and the lessons learned.

Of course, trusting oneself is not like a faucet that we can open when it's time to make a decision. Trust in ourselves is something we must cultivate over time. So, start by feeling compassion for yourself. Doubting is not bad. On the contrary, it can be a sign of wisdom and consideration. We grow so much when we dare to navigate the unpredictable, regardless of the outcomes we achieve. Therefore, celebrate every difficult decision made and every opportunity for growth and overcoming. Even if you end up regretting your decision because you learned new information about how the unwalked path could have been better, still celebrate. You've learned lessons and acquired skills and resilience. You've added a scar to be proud of because you dared to live your life intensely and in coherence with what you thought and felt was the best option for you at that moment.

Feeling confused, doubting, hesitating, and not knowing which decision to make is a sign of living a felt, conscious, reflective life and taking on oneself as the main protagonist. Whoever never doubts is not due to stoic security but to a disconnection from how one wishes to navigate one life and which experiences one wishes to expose oneself to in order to evolve one's consciousness.

This journey of introspection and decision-making, fraught with uncertainty and potential for error, is not only a path to personal growth; It is the essence of truly living. Every choice, every moment of indecision, is a step toward a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. So, embrace uncertainty, celebrate the process of choice, and remember that in the tapestry of life, each thread, whether tinged with doubt or certainty, contributes to the beauty of the whole. Let us not fear the act of making decisions but rather see it as an opportunity to sculpt our destiny, one choice at a time, into the great work of art that is our life.