Letting go of the Impossible to make way for the Possible
Many people suffer unnecessarily by dwelling too long on what couldn’t be—a relationship, a child that never came, a half-finished project, completing a degree, or achieving a goal. Any unfulfilled expectation can be a hook, trapping us in "what we wished it could have been and wasn’t."
It’s as if walking through the forest of life, our sweater got caught on a branch, and we spent years trying to free it when the smartest action would be to cut the threads and move on, recognising that this beloved sweater is not the only one and can be reknit.
While it’s important to value what matters to each of us and to validate our feelings without dismissing our emotions, exaggeration undeniably harms us. Dwelling and amplifying feelings of longing and nostalgia for what isn’t or couldn’t be anchors us in the past, preventing us from moving forward or envisioning other possible life scenarios.
Clinging to a rigid idea of what we planned for our lives, without leaving emotional room for what might happen beyond our control, far from benefiting us, makes us stubborn in trying to fit a piece into a puzzle that sometimes isn’t ours. Life shows us this, yet we resist and insist on fitting "that" piece, thus missing the complete picture of what could be a life that encompasses various possible existences.
Years ago, while I was holding on to a situation, someone told me something that helped me untangle myself from the mess I was trapped in: "There are things that happen and things that don’t." A statement that, with the power of simplicity, cleared my complexities, arguments, and justifications for insisting on what I wanted it to be... Suddenly, I felt like a child stomping my feet at the evidence of the impossible, and I told myself, enough! Cutting the wool from my sweater allowed me to continue building my life plans and make room for the possible to manifest.
How many lives are wasted by being anchored in what couldn’t be... I’ve helped many people break free from their stubbornness to rethink other paths. When one gives up an illusion, a tremendous amount of energy is released to be used to build a concrete and certain reality over which we have influence.
Giving up an illusion releases a tremendous amount of energy to be used to build a concrete and certain reality over which we have influence.
The word "renounce" often has a bad reputation. However, it hides a wisdom key to emotional maturity. To renounce is to re-announce, to leave behind to state other life circumstances anew creatively.
There is no single path to building a life that we like. If a relationship ends halfway, other relationships may begin that we don't know about yet. If approval does not come, surely other people will add value to our lives where we can invest our energy. If a project does not materialize, it is just one project, not all of the ones we undertake. If something collapses, let it be that, not us. Our ability to reinvent ourselves expands the possibilities of living a life with full presence and satisfaction.
Ideally, we should sketch what we want with a pencil, not a permanent marker that can’t be corrected. Training flexibility to redo, review, and touch up an original plan is crucial to not overinvest energy in what isn’t being and perhaps never will be.
Saying enough is liberating. I invite you to look at each area of your life and ask yourself: What am I insisting on too much? What do I need to leave behind and re-announce? What goodbye could be liberating?
Sometimes, it's harder for us to "give in" and stop fighting with circumstances than what we actually feel we're losing when we give up or renounce something.
Admitting defeat is not always a sign of weakness; it can be an act of greatness and emotional maturity.
Not all battles need to be won. We need to discern when it's appropriate to insist and when it's better to discontinue and walk away from the impossible with dignity and enough strength to continue projecting.
We often wonder more about what we’re losing by renouncing than about what we’re preventing from happening by insisting too much. Making space, emptying the vessel of what smells bad, cutting to the chase, and saying enough is doing ourselves the favour of not wasting our lives on an illusion or expectations that what has long been the same will change.
We often wonder more about what we’re losing by renouncing than about what we’re preventing from happening by insisting too much.
What must be done by you, make sure to do it; let the rest happen... There's a large part of life we can't interfere with... Identifying the line that marks what's within our reach and what isn't is a skill we need to develop, not suffer unnecessarily, wear ourselves out too much, give too much, fight too much... The art of knowing how to flow without struggling against reality protects us from our own clumsiness and stubbornness.
What must be done by you, make sure to do it; let the rest happen...
Identifying the line between what is within our reach and what isn't is a skill we need to develop to avoid unnecessary suffering. If, after reading this text, you resonate with these words, consider whether it's truly worth continuing to waste life on what you would have liked it to be or if you will give yourself a chance to free yourself from your eternal struggles and rebuild with new threads a sweater that, although not identical to the unravelled one, fits you well and matches who you are today or who you aim to become. Grieving for what was not frees up your energy to enjoy what is or can be if you make intelligent use of the life you've been given to live moment by moment, not to leave it frozen in yellowed photographs or stuck in unfulfilled expectations.